Crib Service 2016

lumpyleah

Characters:                

C = cow                       D = donkey

C         Moooo. Isn’t it nice and quiet here in the stable tonight?

D         He haw. Yes. Not like last year – wasn’t it noisy?

C         Terrible, you couldn’t hear the cock crow.

D         It was an odd thing wasn’t it?

C         When the humans decided to count themselves.

D         They call it a census.

C         It didn’t make much sense to me.

D         Every man had to go back to the place where he was born

C         And take his family with him.

D         The town was full.

C         The hotels were full.

D         The pubs were full.

C         Even the school hall was full of people who couldn’t find anywhere else to sleep.

D         And our stable was packed.

C         All those donkeys, and oxen and cows and sheep and goats that people had brought with them.

D         I couldn’t move to find a post to scratch my ears.

C         I couldn’t swing my horns without knocking someone else’s teeth out.

CD      All those animals.

C         And some of them talked with strange accents.

D         Donkeys that went ‘A-hee, a-haw’.

C         Cows that went ‘Hu-mooo.’

D         Very odd, very full,

C         Very noisy and very smelly.

Pause

D         Then just when we didn’t think we could get anyone else in the stable

C         In walked another donkey, with a very strange accent.

D         I couldn’t understand a word he said. All his sentences ended with ‘innit’.

C         A Nazareth donkey – small town, miles away.

D         And he wasn’t alone, he’d brought with him

CD      Humans.

D         To our stable. A man and a woman.

C         There wasn’t anywhere else in the town for them to stay.

D         They did look very tired.

C         And the woman was about to have a baby.

D         They had only just got here in time.

C         They needed some space.

D         I said ‘Shove up’ to a donkey that went ‘A-he, a-haw’, and the donkey said ‘A-shove up’ to a goat

C         And the goat said ‘shift up’ to an ox and the ox said ‘Humph, make some space’ to a sheep

D         And the sheep said ‘baa baa-udge up’ to a cow, and the cow said ‘you’ve got to moove it, moove            it’

to another goat

C         And the goat just turned and stared at us and said ‘you talking to me?’

D         But by then there was room in the middle of the stable,

C         So the man and the woman –

D         Mary and Joseph –

C         Flopped down in the hay

D         And the baby was born.

C         His name was Jesus.

D         They used a feeding trough for his cradle.

C         He opened his eyes, looked around at us all,

D         Sheep and goats, donkeys, cows and oxen.

C         We all went ‘Shhhhhhhh’,

D         The stable was silent

C         And the baby went ‘Waaaaaaaaaaaaaa’,

D         As babies do.

C         Except that it sounded like the most beautiful music we had ever heard.

D         In our hearts we all knew

C         That God was with us in the stable that night.

D         This baby was king of all the world.

Pause

C         We all settled down to sleep.

D         Trying not to snore in case we woke the baby.

C         But we needn’t have bothered trying to be quiet

D         Because no sooner had we got to sleep

C         Than we were woken up by some sheep

D         Banging on the door, trying to get in.

C         Not just one sheep or two sheep or three sheep or four

D         But a whole flock of sheep,

C         Baaing and bunting and bleating.

D         And not just sheep, but shepherds too.

C         They had come to see the king of all the world

D         While the shepherds were cooing and ooing over the baby

C         Some of the sheep told us their story.

D         It was a starry night, when the hills were bright,

C         The sheep were sleeping

D         When the sky was filled with light and singing,

C         It was if all the bells of heaven were ringing.

D         The sheep and the shepherds

C         Were shivering with fear.

D         There were angels in the air,

C         Angels, angels everywhere.

D         They told the shepherds not to be afraid,

C         That God’s son had just been born on earth,

D         That God’s love was living in their town

C         And that they must come and meet him.

D         So they gathered up their wits,

C         They gathered up their sheep,

D         They rushed to find the promised king,

C         And here they were, filling our stable,

D         You couldn’t swish your tail

C         Without swatting someone else on the nose.

Pause

D         Later on, when the shepherds had left, with their sheep,

C         And all the people had been counted and gone home,

D         Taking their animals with them.

C         When it was just us left in the stable with Mary and Joseph and Jesus

D         And the donkey who went ‘innit’,

C         We had some more visitors,

D         Camels.

C         They were big, they were tall, they were dusty from the desert.

D         You had to be careful where you looked when they were talking

C         Because they chewed and spat and spoke all at the same time.

D         I got something nasty right in my eye.

C         The people they brought with them were dressed in fine, bright clothes.

D         They were very excited to see the baby.

C         The camels told us that the people were wise and learned,

D         They studied the skies and had seen

C         A new star rise in the west.

D         It told of a new baby being born

C         Who would be king of all the world.

D         So they loaded their camels with luggage for a long trip.

C         They spent weeks crossing the desert,

D         Following the star which shone before them, leading the way

C         Until it stopped over our stable.

D         And here they were

C         Just like the shepherds

D         cooing and ooing over the baby.

C         But they brought him gifts.

D         Gold and frankincense and myrrh,

C         Although I think his mother would rather have had nappies.

D         Then they went home.

C         Soon after that Mary and Joseph and Jesus

D         And the donkey who went ‘innit’

C         Left for a new place to stay.

D         The stable was quiet once more, the town was quiet, the sky was quiet.

C         That was last year. Do you think we will hear about that baby again?

D         I’m sure we will, after all

CD      He is king of all the world!

Richard Greatrex, 2016

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